Well, we’ve known for almost two weeks, and I’m starting to realize that keeping it to ourselves won’t change the fact that we’re going… We are moving to New Mexico.
The day before assignments were to be revealed, Jeremy heard a rumor that someone out of the six residents in his program was being sent to Holloman AFB, in (the middle of nowhere) New Mexico. Aaaaannnnddd…. we were by far the most likely. I freaked. New Mexico!!!? Please, anywhere but there. For 24 hours I panicked. I mean I was a mess. For some reason it really caught me off guard. I was so certain that if we didn’t get to go overseas we’d be in Colorado or the South. We had ranked a lot of places before New Mexico, in fact it was number 24 out of 40 on our list. (For reference, most people in this group get one of their top 10-15 choices) We felt completely blindsided.
We still didn’t know for sure, but it was feeling more and more certain. The next day Jeremy was informed we had indeed been assigned to Holloman. The tears started and they just didn’t stop. I cried the rest of the day and I’m pretty sure I’ve cried every day since, although the length and drama of the crying sessions are decreasing ;)
Never have I felt such a connection to Adam and Eve being driven out of the garden. Or Lehi’s family heading out into the wilderness. (I know I’m being a little dramatic, but I’m six months pregnant, give me a break) I was angry, I was devastated and incase you aren’t seeing the whole picture, I REALLY didn’t handle the news well.
I was just so completely stunned.
Initially my thoughts consisted of trees and water. I decided I could move to the middle of nowhere if I could have a couple big trees in our yard and a creek or lake nearby. Any guesses what New Mexico is short on? Greenery and water.
Okay, so we probably won’t have that, BUT we are going to buy our first house! And it’ll be great!
hmmm…. not much to choose from. None of the quaint cottages or farmhouses I’ve been dreaming of fixing up and making our first home.
That’s okay, we’ll buy a junky house, rip out everything we hate and rebuild it the way we want!
Oh yeah… we’re still in debt and we’ll have a newborn. So we probably ought to find something move in ready. In our budget. Hopefully it won’t have too much stucco, tile and or terra-cotta shingles. (Nothing against the Southwest, the design elements just aren’t my style)
I realize these concerns might seem pretty trivial, and with all the darkness in the world, I guess they are. However, this little life of ours revolves around home. It’s where we live and grow and laugh and serve and learn. It’s where we love. Where we make memories and mistakes. Sometimes memorable mistakes. Home is sacred ground. I don’t need much, but I do need a home, one that feels like home.
Eventually I got tired of whining. It’s exhausting being grumpy! I stepped back and took a deep breath. Then I changed my prayers from, “I’m really angry about this, but if I’m making all these sacrifices you had better give me this, this, this and this….” to “You have always been there for us, I am so eternally grateful. I trust you Lord. I will go where you want me to go. Please continue to guide us, bless us and help us find a place we can call home.”
When I was done with my little tantrum, I turned to God. He was right there, like He always is, ready to speak peace to my soul:
“I know you. I know what’s best for you and your family. I have a plan for you, and I will never ask too much of you.”
Ezra Taft Benson said,”Men and women who turn their lives over to God will discover that he can make a lot more out of their lives than they can. He can deepen their joys, expand their vision, quicken their minds, strengthen their muscles, lift their spirits, multiply their blessings, increase their opportunities, comfort their souls and pour out peace.” Maybe it’s just me, but those are all blessings I’d be happy to welcome into my life.
I don’t know how this move will all pan out and I can’t promise I won’t be panicking
one hundred times once or twice as these next few months unfold.
I do know that it will work out. No matter what, we’re going together. All five of us :)
Today I took the kids to the two thrift stores we have in town. Thrifting was one of my favorite activities in Baltimore and I’ve had little to no luck since moving here. BUT we needed a few things and I figured I’d checkout the second hand options first. I can’t tell you what luck we had! It was like striking gold in the thrifting mine today. The culminating find being a large wooden entry mirror ‘piece’ with just the right touch of vintage farmhouse charm. Call me crazy, but it was a sign from God, a tender mercy that I needed. I’m even more reassured now than I was before that He’s going to bless us with a home that’s more than just the bare necessities. He knows the way the little baubles and pieces of our home come together make me feel alive, silly as it may seem to others. Our home is a place of peace, a refuge from the world and an environment that inspires creativity and learning. We may be moving to New Mexico, but we aren’t moving to a tent with Lehi and Sarriah.
God has a plan for us 1,200 miles away.
And somewhere in the desert He has a home for us.